Thursday, February 4, 2010

dear me

Dear me,

Me from that greyscale time, back when I was young and innocent and my biggest decision was which colour crayon to use - Enjoy your life. You're youthful and carefree, and no matter what you think your family loves you and you don't have to sit alone in cramped closets or hide under beds clutching yourself because you're scared they'll all leave you. Your outlook should be bright and childlike and you don't have to think about death or scars until years later. Don't think about people who are cruel, just continue playing freely and drawing and being alive.

Don't be afraid.

Dear me,

Me from that sepia-tone time, back when I was still so young but trying to act older, when my biggest worry was if mummy was coming home from hospital - Don't give up. You're still a child and not as worthless as you think, and no matter what there are people who are there for you. Stop drawing those poor little boys dressed in torn rags living on the streets and start using a bit of colour. Stop sitting at the top of stairs and hiding behind doors sobing silently. Your vision is still intact and you should view the world as beautiful and full of amazing things and wonderful people. Don't think about losing your loved ones, because they'll live longer than you realise, and they're happy and proud.

Don't be sad.

Dear me,

Me from that transparent time, back when I was entering my new school and attempting to look cool and play the part when really I just wanted to play 'Tag, You're It' and football in the playground and draw with chalk on the pavements, when my biggest worry was fitting in and being left behind - Don't bother. You're still a kid even though you're geting older, and you have plenty of years to make new friends and set new trends. I know you don't even like fashion or dressing up, so don't pretend for other people. Be yourself because it's better to be disliked for who you are than liked for who you aren't. You may need glasses now, but remember that's from spending hours on end playing video games with your precious younger cousin as well as the imaginary games. Don't think about your appearance or looks, because your personality is what makes you beautiful.

Don't fake it.

PS: I'm proud you chose real people over the fake ones in the end. They are fantastic friends.

Dear me,

Me from yester-year, which seems like only a day ago, back when I gave up on my hopes and dreams and annihilated my self-esteem and aspirations - Stop it. You're ruining yourself; you may not be popular or good lookin’ or exceedingly intelligent, but you're a good person even if you can be selfish or self-absorbed. You're still a teenager, and a young one at that, so stop thinking that your life is over and knock some sense into yourself. Realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that friends will lift you off your feet when you forget how to fly. I know you aren't a hopeless case because you have people who care - good people. Even if you think you don't deserve them, they deserve you, so grant them that and live. Live and be jubilant with the ones who love you, because one day you won't. Don't let that day come faster, because life is short.

Don't stop living.


Me from the present, from now, when I realise I'm the biggest hypocrite alive. Should I even bother writing to this part of me? Present me is the biggest disappointment. Look at your life. No, you aren't happy. Stop faking it but don't seek attention for it either. Live with it and move on. Many people are unhappy and you have it great compared to others. I must refrain from making demotivating comments, and instead should add something inspiring, but I can't. Yes, you're wise beyond your years but that only makes you angry and masochistic. You're a disappointment, and just not worth this.

Don't bother......

Iky of Ampang


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